A flood of emotions

         The last 40 days have been a wave of emotions. I returned from the states on December 18th just a few days before Christmas. I rushed home with my wife and children to have a little solitude before heading to the coast for Christmas and attending the wedding of some very dear friends.  We arrived on the coast in Mombasa on the 23rd of December had a nice Christmas and attended the wedding on the 28th of December.  That night I got word my brother Jesse was getting worse and they were taking him to the ICU unit at Obici in Virginia. We were scheduled to leave Mombasa on the 30th to head home but I knew we should head to Nairobi because there was a possibility I would be flying back the States again very soon if things did not improve. We reached Nairobi on the 30th of December and I had gotten word during the drive that Jesse was placed on a ventilator. I began to make the necessary arrangements for Rebekah and the girls to stay with the Kellys and the Germos if I had to travel. Bekah and I discussed making the trip as a family but we thought better for me to go alone because of winter and the stress that the kids would be placed under. Plus jet lag and other deterring factors.  As soon as we reached Nairobi I began trying to book the soonest flights out but before I could book a ticket my dear brother had passed on. In Kenya it was Jan 1 2014 but in America it was still 2013 I talked with my mother and my sister they assured me he went very peacefully and as hard as it was they knew at that point in time it was for the best.

          I cannot begin to describe the flood of emotions that begin to come in many different waves and with no rhyme or reason.  I managed to fly out on the evening of the 2nd in Kenya but the 1st in America. The travel seemed like it took forever. I just wanted to hug my mom and my siblings and tell them how sorry I was that I wasn't there at the end.  So many emotions tugged me in so many different ways.  I fully realize that I could have changed nothing, but that does not change your desire to be with those who feel like you do, it is a built in emotion in those circumstances.  I just don't think there is anyway to convey what goes through your head and heart.  I finally arrived in DC one of my spiritual fathers Jon Rissmiller picked me up. I was late of course but we began the journey back to Suffolk.  He encouraged me and prayed for me through out the trip which helped me immensely. (thanks Jon)  I arrived home and the flood of emotions came in again in seeing my mom and my brothers and sisters.  There were so many things God taught me through this experience. Reflecting back on my brothers life thinking of all of the memories we had together and all the times he made me laugh, smile, cry, or yell. I loved reliving each and every one of them the good and the bad. They were part of what made us brothers.  Please understand my brother was by no means perfect. Who among us is and doesn't need Jesus?  However He understood and possessed qualities I long for and desire.
       Jesse taught me so much about unconditional love he was friends with people that it would not be natural for him to be friends with.  He loved people because they were people and needed to  be loved.  Many of you who were at the funeral heard me share about the critical judgement problem that we as the Witt's have.  From the moment we meet you we are sizing you up deciding what we think about you and who you are,I admit 100 percent this is not a good quality and I have fought against it my whole life. But in spite of that Jesse was 100 percent Witt and he managed to conquer it completely.  He showed me it can be defeated. He taught me so much about how far I have to go. His love for people inspires me to know Jesus more so that I can unconditionally love people like Christ would.  The Lord used this in so many ways to speak to me. I was forced to answer so many questions for others and myself that I had never really faced before.  I am stronger because of this. I am better because of knowing my brother and have  been  privileged enough to be his older brother for the last 25 years.  I am able to love more as a result of God giving him to me for the last 25 years.  I will never forget him and I will tell my kids all his funny stories and remind them that he was their uncle. Mourning is a process I am not familiar with I have never lost some one so close to me before. I am not sure how it works.I know it is different for so many people but I take it one day at a time. It's all I really can do. I continue being faithful to what God has called me to do, I love on my wife and kids. I try to keep busy. I know Jesus is gonna pull us through.