Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.

Holding Mom's hand. 

I never knew that during our Home assignment from Kenya- we would receive the news that my Mom had stage 4 terminal cancer. Not in a million years did I ever think I would write these words: My Mom has passed away. I will not be seeing her again here on earth. She fought the good fight and was faithful with what was set before her and is now with Jesus, her very best friend.

My siblings and I took turns being with my Mom from when she made the decision to not do any more chemo treatments until she entered into glory. I want to share some of my favorite moments with her.

I could always tell that in the last weeks of Mom's life she was very uncomfortable and often in pain. There was a regimen of narcotics that she took to keep things at bay and then stronger pills were given as matters progressed. There were often times I would be laying in bed holding her hand as she restlessly tried to sleep. I would ask if she needed anything- another pill perhaps to take away the suffering? She would squeeze my hand and tell me that was exactly what she needed-the human touch. This simple gesture meant the world to both of us and now I look back and cherish all the times we got to be together hand in hand.

My Mom started calling Jason, Abraham. Most likely because of his long beard and the similarity that God called both to go to a land He had called them to. There were several times Jason would spend the night with me at Mom's. He would sleep on the couch and I would sleep with Mom in her bedroom.  One morning she got up early and saw Jason sitting on the couch. She said to him " I am so blessed to have had Abraham and Sarah spend the night at my house!" Her life was filling with charming, funny sayings like this one. 

My Mom noticed that Jason had come down with a cough one-day. She had him come to her so that she could lay hands on him and ask Jesus to heal him. I admired her strong faith that God absolutely has the power to heal despite her being in the process of dying from cancer. She passed 4 days after this.

 There were lots of nurses, aids, social workers, etc. that Mom got to meet through her being on hospice care. When meeting them she would consistently talk of 3 things. First she would want everyone to know about the love of her life, her Savior. Next she would hold out her hand and tell them she had an invisible 5 karat ring which represented her 5 kids. She would take the time to talk about each of us. She would let them know about our family being missionionaries. Then she told about Bethany being an amazing school counselor and shared about their family having a beautiful lakehouse in Massachusetts.  She would always talk of Tim working very hard at a Italian restaurant and that they could go in to get a slice of pizza "on her" just say the magical word "berniecakes" which is the name Tim likes to refer to her by. She would proceed to talk about Josiah and Nathaniel- her "marine sons", but then explain now one is serving in the National Guard and the other is so adventurous and is now living far away in Texas. When she is finished introducing us she would begin to get to know this new person who had entered her life by asking questions about their family and interests. The next time they would come to visit she would remember to ask them about the information she had previously gathered. This would often catch them off guard because they had come to care for her in her sickened state but instead were being considered and cared for. This is who my Mom was. 

My Mom was able to start a bucket list. What was written on that list were not the normal wishes of traveling to exotic places but instead preferences of things she wanted to see happen. The first on the list was a Scrabble tournament between Tim and her brother, my Uncle Robert. Another request was for all her kids and their spouses to watch the movie "A Case for Christ." Sadly she had wanted to see the sunset at the beach but we never managed to make that happen, but my family has gotten to and of course we thought of her. 

There were several days Mom had an eagerness to get things accomplished almost as if she was a pregnant Mom about to deliver and was busy "nesting". On one of these days she picked out what funeral home she wanted and we drove with her there so that she could hand pick her casket. She settled with one that had pinkish/ peach lining ( her favorite color) and a big rose stitched inside. Mom chose the layout she wanted for her service, including what songs she wanted played and what verses she wanted read. She chose for my 4 siblings and I to speak as well as Jason and Peter (Bethany's husband) to officiate it all. These were heavy days. Now I look back on them with such gratefulness that nothing had to be decided because she had already made all the arrangements for us. We had nothing left to wonder about, she had taken that burden away from us.

Mom wanted us to make bracelets for everyone who came to her funeral. What was remarkable about this is how we all jumped right to this task and it helped get our mind off of how sad we were about her being gone. It gave us hours of bonding time. My girls, along with all their cousins, handed out the bracelets to everyone who came and explained that Grammie B wanted them to have one. My Mom also wanted 5 Hershey kisses packaged together with a ribbon that said, "Jesus is the sweetest name I know". My Aunt Mary Ellen arranged for this to happen and we helped get it all ready. 

Mom had a closed casket. My siblings and I still wanted to get her a new outfit to wear because she had always loved shopping. Her taste was lacey and feminine. She had lost so much weight from cancer that all her clothes were falling off of her. Jason, my girls and I set off to pick out this outfit. I felt like I was in a dream while standing in the store to try to figure out what to purchase. Jason patiently held up different arrangements for me to consider and we finally settled on something fall and pretty that I really think she would have picked for herself. We were standing in line to buy it and the lady in front of us commented that she admired how we shopped as a family. In tears I thanked her and explained what we were doing. She joined me in tears and apologized before being called up to the counter. A few minutes later she approached us and told us it would be her honor to pay for Mom's clothes. God used this lady to show His love to us that morning. This is one of many stories where I saw God at work through people.

I have wrestled with all sorts of emotions through this experience. One was feeling guilty for spending 12 years in Kenya. The guilt came from missing out on being with my Mom when she was healthy. As I wallowed in self pity I then had the realization that Mom had raised me to know who Jesus is and to follow Him no matter what the cost. By serving in Kenya I was living out all that she had instilled into me while I was growing up. As we prepare to return to Kenya at the end of this month my heart is full. I had the privilege of being with my Mom as she finished up her journey. I take up the challenge to minister to others as she did. She would never want me to be like her but instead to be like Christ. 

"Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore,  my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:55, 57-58. 

(We read these verses to Mom minutes before she took her final breath and again at the cemetery. It brings so much reassurance to us as we miss her so very much)

Righteous.

5 Hershey kisses with the ribbon.

Samara,Nevada, Righteous, me on Jason's back, Charis watching the sunset at the beach.

Mom being welcomed so warmly when arriving at Hospice. 

Mom praying for Jason to be healed.

Mom was ready to go. I battled with releasing her to go. Deep down I always knew there is no greater desire and one-day we will see each other again.

Mom's final outfit.

Neveah and Charis making friendship bracelets by safety pinning the strings to a pillow.

Jason recorded everything Mom wanted for the service.