The Struggle Within

Banana trees flowering and fruiting

what the land looked like before we started the farm

Charis trying to pick up a banana tree that had broken 

I like to win. I like to be successful.  I like to be affirmed.  Many that know me at all would quickly confirm these statements as true.  I do not set out at things to fail, however I do fail and I fail often.  It is so easy for me to get caught up in accomplishing goals because I can easily measure myself whether I am being successful or failing.  I can know what to change and work harder at in order to change my results.  That is my flesh, my humanity roaring its ugly head and trying to take my focus off the real reason that I live.
The real reason I am here.

Pictures of the people we serve at the clinic each week

Pastor Jon doing crafts with the kids at the clinic

When we keep ourselves so busy with things we loose sight of Christ and become busy.  We think we are busy for Him but often times we are busy for ourselves to feel fulfilled to feel valued.  The last few months have been full of some really great things and some things that I had a hard time accepting.  We have  families joining us here from a very large country far east of here( most things are made there).  They came and visited and asked us to provide them cover and guidance while they work here for the next few years.
That is quite a humbling and huge request....

Bekah and Jessi doing Joshua craft at Z school

Bekah being amazing and teaching M kids the bible

Jessi doing the Joshua craft with M kids

My initial reaction is why me?  I am not cut out for this I have no idea what these people have gone through all they have sacrificed to be in the family.  Once again my flesh roaring up and fear of failure or not measuring up.  Then to top it off they insist on our whole family coming to their country to visit with the family and encourage them....What will I say?  There has to be someone else anyone else that is better cut out and Qualified for this.  Please father send someone else I have no desire at all to do this.  The Father has used many people to confirm this is His will. For one example yesterday Righteous showed Rebekah verses from Exodus 4:11-12
11 Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.”

So off we go to the far East country on Friday. Having no idea what we are doing but trusting Him to show us!  

Some of my guys that I work with on the farm

The farm is really developing over the last few months!

Another thing that happened recently was a local M managing a gas station here asked me what other kind of businesses I run other than just a farm.  I told him we (our team) have a small hospital that serves the local people we work with. He began asking how much money do you make?  I explained to him we currently operate  with a deficit.  Our projects are currently 45% sustained by their own income generation.  He proceeded to tell me "you are a terrible business man"  I stopped and wanted
to feel insulted but instead I felt great joy.  To which I replied to him "You're right because I didn't come here to run a successful business I cam here because I love Jesus and He sent me"  He replied with a puzzled look and I told him I would see him later.  When leaving there I felt complete joy and satisfaction in my "failure".  Complete joy and satisfaction in simple obedience.





My current favorite song is "The Cause of Christ" by Kari Jobe

In the last line she sings:

It is not fame that I desire, Nor stature in my brothers eye.
I pray its said about my life that I lived more to build your name than mine.....

That is where I want to measure my success
when I leave this place or this world will I have done all I could for the cause of Christ! Not for a farm, a building, a clinic, or even whether I helped people's lives improve. Am I doing more to build His name and His Kingdom than mine..........

In other news we had Pastor Jon from AHBC and Jessi from Cashie Baptist with us for about 12 days in February.  What a great time we had together! they were so encouraging and so life giving for our entire family.  They brought so many wonderful gifts for us!  It was a great time of fellowship and encouragement for us and we know this is just a beginning of more trips to come from these churches.

Having Pastor Jon for me was huge, being that he gave me so much of my spiritual foundation from my days as a know it all cocky teenager.  It was a great blessing and encouragement for me to have him here !  We love you Jon and Jessi and we miss you both!

My little mini posing beautifully