Bernadette's Story

I know we have been quiet lately but it is not without reason. 2020 has been a rough year for most of the world but it has been especially difficult for Rebekah's mother Bernadette.  We visited her in early March when we arrived here in the USA.  We left New York in mid March right before the pandemic hit the states. Shortly after that mom started to have a lot of gastric pains and visited the ER several times being sent home each time and being told its gastritis and to take tums or magnesium citrate. After 2 trips to the ER and a cat scan she had to make a third trip to the ER because she started vomiting.  They admitted her into the hospital after 24 hour observation an NP requested to see the Cat scan again even after being told by the doctor it was clear. When the NP saw the scan she noticed a shadow that was unclear so she had the Cat scan repeated and then it was clear and you could see the tumor.  It was located at the beginning of her small intestine. It had pushed against her intestines and would not allow food to leave the stomach hence why she was throwing up.  They rushed her in for emergency surgery. We were in North Carolina at this point traveling to Minnesota the day of her surgery.  During the surgery they had to cut her duodenum (the very being of the small intestine) and bypass the tumor allowing food to leave the stomach again. 

Initially we thought they were doing the surgery to remove the tumor but after seeing how embedded the tumor was and its size the took a punch biopsy instead.  They sent the punch biopsy to be tested for cancer and it came back inconclusive.  She was discharged from the hospital and scheduled for a tissue biopsy endoscopically.  The results from the tissue biopsy were clear it was cancer.  She then met with her oncologist to discuss her course of treatment.  Chemo was basically the only option and really with only hope of slowing it down.  The location of the tumor and how embedded it was in her stomach and pancreas it was too dangerous to try and remove. She decided to go on with the chemo but she had to wait for the incision from her surgery to heal before starting it. A few days before she was to start chemo she started to turn yellow because the tumor had grown and was pressing against her liver not allowing it to function properly.  She was hospitalized again to figure this out.  They had to put a stint on her bile duct that would allow the bile to leave the liver when it needed to.  

After putting in the stint since she was already admitted in the hospital they put in the port for her chemo and did her first course of chemo inpatient.  It was a very intense 3 days of chemo transfusions.  A few days after her chemo she was discharged from the hospital and sent home.  After starting to recover from her first treatment she wrestled with the idea of doing that again. She then made the choice to not continue with the chemo treatments and allow the cancer to run its course and leave it up to God. Mom called all of us together her children and their spouses to inform us of her decision and ask for our support . Of course we all gave our support even though its a tough reality to accept.  Shortly after she was enrolled in a hospice program nearby and continues to be managed from home. Right now her children are her primary care givers she gets visits from a nurse weekly and also if we request.  It does seem obvious that she is deteriorating week to week.  We have done some difficult real tasks with her such as planning her funeral and picking out her casket, but we have also made some real memories with like taking her to the assisted living to see her mom on her mom's 90th birthday or making a run to the bakery after her medical marijuana kicks in.If you really knew mom you would think its even funnier that she uses medical marijuana because she has never smoked anything in her life. Every time she uses it she says God really has a sense of humor because she always said she would never use drugs.  

Even in the midst of this time we are able to see God at work Mom's sickness has brought all her 5 children back to Long Island. It has brought unity and healing to the family. Issues that had been there have been forgiven because of the realization that every day is gift from God. The passage in Ecclesiastes 3 has been at the forefront of our minds. There is a time and a season for everything.  In this time and this season we are here in Long Island loving mom as well as we can, soaking up every memory that we can.  We do not know when we will return to Kenya that will be up to God. We plan to remain on Long Island until Mom gets her healing with our savior Jesus. 

One thing that has stood out to me in this situation is the lasting impact and legacy that mom will leave behind.  She is known as a prayer warrior literally everyone knows it. She has received 100's of cards and 1000's of dollars.  Her phone rings off the hook, people are constantly sending flowers and stopping by.  She loved well and she is receiving some of the benefits of that.  Doctors and nurses at the hospital she worked in have donated 1000's of hours of vacation time so that she continues being paid for the last 3 months and she still has people being paid up to the end of the year.  Everyone that knows her knows her love for Jesus.  Even in the midst of this she loves to worship God in the season.  I see some many wonderful things qualities and character traits that she has passed down to her children.  Rebekah is who she is because Bernadette is her mom. That is beautiful! That is a legacy!

There was a time limit on being able to visit in the hospital. This was incredibly difficult. There also only allowed two visitors to come per day, which takes a lot of organizing and figuring out because of course everyone wants to be there everyday.

Chemo is just a clear liquid, not a neon green color, much to my surprise. 

Mom was taken such good care of by her coworkers who hated seeing her as a patient. One of Mom's best friends posted scriptures all around her room.

The grandkids made lots of paintings and drawings for Mom's hospital room. Now they are hung up in her house.

Everyone hugged and cheered Mom on when she was discharged.

So many people adore Mom because she has invested so well into their lives throughout the years.

Waving farewell. The last and final day Mom would step foot in this hospital that she worked at for over 20 years.

Rebekah's 4 siblings. They all have been taking turns being by Mom's side 24 hours a day since she has been home.

Waiting outside the impatient Hospice building due to all the restrictions of COVID. We put a deck of cards by Mom's window so that we could peek in her room and check on her.

Car ride to the bakery to buy a lot of pastries and cookies.

Cousin Danielle flew in from Georgia for 2 weeks to help out watching the kiddos and be with Mom. She is driving us to the bakery.

Only God knows how many days Mom has left here on earth. But until that last day every day with her is a gift.